11.11.2024

The Exhausting Cycle of Self-Defeating Decisions: Why We Stay Stuck and How to Break Free

The Exhausting Cycle of Self-Defeating Decisions:…

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In today’s fast-paced world, many of us are making decisions that, ironically, lead to more work, more stress, and less growth. Have you ever asked yourself why, despite your best intentions, you might often choose the path that ultimately holds you back? The answer may lie not just in your habits or circumstances but in the very state your nervous system is in when making these choices.

Many people stay locked in what feels like “survival mode,” where it seems crucial to maintain control and security. And while our choices might bring short-term relief, they often lead to long-term stagnation. So why do we keep making decisions that trap us in this exhausting loop, and how can we find a way to make choices that genuinely support our growth?

  How the nervous system affects decision-making

The human nervous system operates in three main modes: the sympathetic, the parasympathetic dorsal (dorsal) and the parasympathetic ventral vagal (ventral) states.

When we're in survival "sympathetic" state, decisions may be faster but often less thoughtful or growth-oriented. When we're in a survival "dorsal" state, we avoid decisions altogether. This state is helpful in situations of true danger, but in everyday decision-making, it can be counterproductive. 

By contrast, in the “ventral” state our bodies are calm and balanced—heart rate, breathing, digestion, and thinking all function at their best. In this state, we are more connected to ourselves and to others, capable of making decisions that align with our deeper values and promote growth.

In survival mode, our brains become focused on self-preservation, cutting off our access to more creative, intuitive insights. We end up making decisions based on what feels like survival but is often just a self-protective habit that limits our ability to evolve. In ventral, however, we can access a calm, grounded awareness that allows us to consider long-term growth. From here, we are more likely to hear our inner voice—our intuition or ventral voice—and make choices that are healthier, more holistic, and beneficial for everyone involved.

Decisions that foster growth and connection

When we make decisions from a state of calm and balance, we are not only making better choices for ourselves but for everyone around us. Each decision becomes part of a larger, interconnected system, impacting our relationships, communities, and environments. When grounded, we can act from a place of mutual benefit, choosing actions that not only help us grow but also contribute positively to others.

By embracing decisions made from the ventral state, we can evolve out of old habits and embrace choices that support both our personal and collective growth. Instead of creating more work or more stress, we foster a cycle of positive, sustainable decisions.

So, if you ever feel like you’re making decisions that just lead to more stress, pause. Take a moment to ground yourself, and let your inner calm guide the way. In doing so, you’re not only giving yourself a gift but creating ripples of positive change in the interconnected world we all share.

And if you feel like you would like to tone your skills or get further support, come join Kim and I at The View Looks Good. We have resources, practice groups, coaching and more.
https://the-view-looks-good.mn.co/share/tOnPhdrSOatxGdtr?utm_source=manual 

  • Decision Making
  • Personal Growth
  • Training & Development
  • Leadership & Development
  • Nervous system

Healthy, high-performing organisations require healthy people dynamics. I partner with clients to bring about transformation at an individual, team and organisational level. Offering 1:1 & Group…

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