The Guilt You Carry Might Not Be Yours
How to recognise borrowed guilt and begin letting it go.
Most people carry guilt that isn’t theirs.
The real question is: what are you carrying that never belonged to you?
That question can feel uncomfortable. Good.
Guilt rarely introduces itself clearly. It hides in over-apologising. In people-pleasing. In the quiet, persistent feeling that you are somehow too much… and never quite enough at the same time.
In my work as an RTT Hypnotherapist and Relationship Coach, guilt is one of the most common and most misunderstood - emotional patterns I see.
Guilt is not always what you think it is
There is a form of guilt that serves you.
It arises when you have genuinely caused harm, and it moves you towards accountability, repair, and growth.
That kind of guilt resolves.
But there is another kind.
The kind that loops.
That replays moments years sometimes decades later.
That tells you that you should have known better, done more, been different.
That guilt does not live in your conscience.
It lives in your nervous system.
And more often than not, it was placed there long before you were old enough to question it.
A parent who made you responsible for their emotions.
A family where love felt conditional.
A childhood where being “good” was the only way to feel safe.
You didn’t choose to carry it.
But you’ve been carrying it ever since.
How to recognise guilt that isn’t yours
You may be holding borrowed guilt if:
→ You apologise before you’ve even finished speaking
→ You feel responsible for how others feel, even when it isn’t yours to carry
→ Saying no triggers dread, shame, or fear of rejection
→ You minimise your needs to keep the peace
→ You keep punishing yourself long after the moment has passed
Guilt that is yours moves when you take responsibility.
Guilt that stays… is a wound.
A practice to begin releasing it
You don’t need to wait to begin.
Step 1: Name it without judgement
Write down everything you feel guilty about. No editing. No filtering.
Step 2: Ask the honest question
“Did I intentionally cause harm or was I doing the best I could with what I knew at the time?”
Notice what softens.
Step 3: Find where it lives in the body
Where do you feel it? Chest, stomach, throat?
Place your hand there. Breathe. Stay with it.
Step 4: Speak to the younger version of you
Go back to where this began.
Tell them: “You were not responsible for that. You did what you could. I am here now.”
Step 5: Return what was never yours
Visualise handing it back. Calmly. Clearly.
No anger. Just truth.
Step 6: Choose a new statement
Say it slowly, until it lands:
“I release what was never mine. I forgive myself for what was. I move forward freely.”
Guilt kept you small so others could stay comfortable.
You may have learned that shrinking yourself was love.
That carrying others’ pain was loyalty.
That needing less made you easier to keep.
It didn’t. And it doesn’t.
Releasing guilt is not about avoiding responsibility.
It’s about becoming honest about what is truly yours, and what never was.
If this resonated, I’d genuinely love to hear what came up for you, message me.
And if you feel ready to explore this more deeply, you’re welcome to reach out.
Aurore
I am a certified RTT hypnotherapist and I trained with the one and only Marisa Peer.
I help men and women overcome emotional and physical challenges, whether that’s anxiety,…
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